Lyrics! Lyrics! Lyrics!

     We occasionally receive impassioned requests for song lyrics. And so, because we aim to please as much of the universe as possible, we have undertaken the herculean task of presenting them here. We are currently in the process of posting lyrics from the Plantastic Voyage album.  Once we have completed that project, we will begin adding more lyrics from our previous albums.

 

Lyrics from the Plantastic Voyage Album

 

 

Monster Hit Record

So I said to the barkeep,

“Please give me back my money.

This has not been a happy hour at all.

I fear your beer is insincere

and it does not cheer me.”

 

She said, “Perhaps you would prefer

 something undomesticated”

and she poured out something green

with pink and purple bits.

Its bouquet was rank. It tasted gank.

But I drank it nonetheless.

 

And then I felt my body changing.

What was happening to me?

Me - ta - mor - pho - sis

 

Yes, I had become some kind of orange monster

with bulgy eyes and one giant eyebrow.

I said to the barkeep, "What the heck?”

And she said, "Oops, wrong bottle."

 

Since then, my life has improved dramatically

I found a rent-stabilized apartment

with twenty-five-foot-high ceilings.

I have a new job and I don't have to wear a tie.

I can get my fangs whitened

and it's covered under my dental plan.

At lunch, street vendors give me all the sauerkraut I can eat.

After work, I have my own lane at the bowling alley.

It is difficult finding shoes.

Yeah, New York is a good place for an orange monster.

 

The Check Has Arrived

(TV sitcom theme song)

The check has arri - i - ived

The check has arri- i - ived

I believe you'll be relieved

when I’ve relayed that I've been paid

The check has arri- i -ived

We can buy the Mona Lisa

Get extra toppings on our pizza

You can study Socrates

while I swing from a trapeze

We can cycle to Belize

to adopt that llama named Louise

The check has arri - i – ived!

 

Revved Up and Restless

Revved up and restless

I am staring out at the street life

The city's beckoning

Let's do something tonight

 

Potential energy overload

If I don't get kinetic I might explode

 

Revved up and restless

I am prepped and ready to take flight

The city's calling out

Let's do something tonight

 

Well there's nothing on the TV

There's nothing on the net for me

There's not a game invented

That can give me what I need

 

Too wound up; can't power down

Come on, let's go

Let's see this town

 

Revved up and restless

If we get lost then we've done it right

The city's beckoning

Let's do something tonight

 

Revved up and restless

There's no telling what's waiting outside

The city's calling out

Let's do something tonight

 

 

Plantastic Voyage (TV theme song)

If you are looking for love

why restrict yourself to Planet Earth?

Come on a cruise to outer space

A nearly infinite romantic place

Plantastic Voyage

 

In the lounge there's a psychic pop band called the Eggplants

From across the universe fans seek their love advice

You may think they're leading you astray

But it all works out in some wacky way

Plantastic Voyage

 

If you're looking for love

If you're looking for love

 

Doctor Drosophila (parts 1, 2 & 3)

She is a microbiologist

She is very small

Her name is Doctor Drosophila

but she doesn't study fruit flies at all

She studies the chromosomes

of garden gnomes

The Gnome Genome Project, as it's known

Day after day she unravels DNA

with passion and precision

 

Her husband is a microchip maker

He makes them out of very small potatoes

They live in a renovated petri dish

They like the culture there

As they walk their pet amoeba Sheba to the minimart

The doctor discusses her work

She's feeling keen; she's isolated the gene

for horticultural proficiencies

 

But then the next day, her telephone rings

It's the president of the United States

He says "Hello, hello, Doctor Drosophila

Your country needs your particular attributes

You see the space program has had its budget slashed

and our mission to Mars is in jeopardy

Now we can afford only a tiny rocket ship

Luckily NASA has a tiny pilot

But we need a brilliant scientist

Who can fit inside our custom-made spacesuit

Somebody with impeccable credentials

to carry out essential experiments

Oh dearest doctor they're ready at the launch pad

We need your answer … now

 

Orbiting the red planet

she reads what the mission's all about

There's a colony of gnomes on Mars

and the government wants to check them out

If they say okay, and let the doctor test their DNA

She'll find if they're a match with earthly gnomes

Even she is stunned by the implications

of the work she is about to do

 

She assembles a space lab

as the Martian Gnome Genome Project proceeds

Her entire family is relocated there

(at their own expense of course)

Her husband is aware

potatoes can grow nearly anywhere

He'll plant a crop with Sheba by his side

It's not what they dreamed, but happiness it seems is

embracing life's vicissitudes

 

Your Life Will Change By Christmas

Pardon me

Don't mean to be rude but I overheard

you telling your friends that

you're concerned about your future

Well, you don't know me, but I'm here to say

 

Your life will change by Christmas

All new and strange by next Christmas

And you'll be in love

 

How do I know?

I've got what you might call a time machine

and I've seen a few things

I can't give you any details

Trust me, you'll be in a different state

 

Your life will change by Christmas

All new and strange by next Christmas

And you'll be in love

 

And now I'll go

but we will meet again and

then you'll know I'm not really insane

Hold on just a little longer

Reality will surpass your dreams

 

Your life will change by Christmas

All new and strange by next Christmas

And you'll be in love

 

Ruff Justice

(high-concept TV sitcom theme song)

The president drank a little moonshine

and he temporarily could not think straight

He nominated his dog to the Supreme Court

and his public approval rating began to elevate

 

The senators could not object

for fear of appearing anti-canine

So now there is a dog on the highest court of the land

And the country is doing just fine

 

'Cause we've got

Ruff justice in the USA

Ruff ruff justice in the USA

Ruff justice in the USA

Ruff ruff justice in the USA

 

Flies

She said

There's a fly in the ointment

She said

There's a fly in my soup

 

Flies, flies, flies

She keeps telling me flies

Flies, flies

She keeps telling me flies … buzz …

 

She said

There's a fly in my souffle

She said

Shoo souffle fly

 

Flies, flies, flies

She keeps telling me flies

Flies, flies

She keeps telling me flies

buzzzzzzzzzzzz … buzz …

 

She said

There's a fly in the basement

She said

I wish he'd turn his stereo down

 

Prelude

Fly away with me

Up into the stars

Other worlds await us

Beautiful, mysterious

Fly away with me

Tonight

Tell me all the galaxies you want to see

and we'll go

Fire up the spaceship and then we'll be free

On our own

Adventuring endlessly

Fly away with me

Tonight

 

Love Conquers the Universe

As we’re blasting through the stars

eating takeout food

there's a message in a cookie

that changes the mood

It says, "Love Conquers the Universe Today"

 

We encounter alien wars

everywhere we land

We show our message to the leaders

Now they understand

that Love Conquers the Universe Today

 

Millions of blinking eyes on stalks

Turn to us when we speak

and deadly rayguns gently

fall from weary tentacles

 

Looking out the porthole glass

burning bright and clear

It's a heart-shaped constellation

so that's where we steer

 

Suddenly battleships arrive

They'll try to make us go

But you and I will be triumphant

because as you know

Love Conquers the Universe Today

 

Psychopath on the Cycle Path

There's a psychopath

on the cycle ... path

 

Created by a diabolical genius

Disdainful of the rules of the road

It's a horrible hybrid

Half-bicycle, half-man

It's like a sinister, six-speed centaur

 

There's a psychopath

on the cycle path

Cyborg psychopath

on the cycle path

 

He never obeys traffic signals

He just focuses ahead with his one bloodshot eye

He has a volatile temper

a disregard for human life and

a total lack of depth perception

Look out!

 

There's a cyclops cyborg psychopath

on the cycle path

Cyclops cyborg psychopath

on the cycle path

 

Ring-a-ding goes his little bell

as he runs down tourists on the Brooklyn Bridge

He is determined to make it to Coney Island

Gonna ride that roller coaster somehow

 

There's a Cyclone-seeking cyclops cyborg psychopath

on the cycle path

Cyclone-seeking cyclops cyborg psychopath

on the cycle path

 

There's a psychopath

on the cycle path

 

 

 

A Sampling of Lyrics from Other Eggplants Albums

 

The House at Creepy Lake

I guess it was a mistake

to buy the house at Creepy Lake.

But the broker kept on raving

about the monster savings.

“You have made an excellent choice,”

said a disembodied voice.

I really should be more judicious

about who I listen to.

 

Soon as I paid the deposit

zombies poured out of the closet.

Poltergeists of various shapes,

werewolves on roller skates.

They seemed a colorful bunch

and so I offered lunch.

A lifetime in New York had taught me

to be open-minded.

 

For a year we lived in perfect harmony

playing hop-scotch in the moonlight.

But our fun ended when the house next door was sold

to a singer-songwriter.

 

On a dreadful evening

he came outside to sing

about the problems in his life

a world of pain and strife.

The monsters were horrified.

They howled and they cried.

“We can’t listen to him moan.

We’ll have to leave our home.”

I said, “Wait up for me.

I’m moving back to the city.”

And that’s the story of

the house I bought at Creepy Lake.

 

Double Bubble Day

Find a nickel

on the sidewalk

Feel a trickle

of sunshine on me

A street rat says, "Good Morning"

I can hear hear the pigeons sing

 

It's a double bubble day

I know the rain won't fall on me today

It's a double bubble day

Everything is going my way

 

Buy a paper

Friendly vendor

Get a coffee 

from the coffee man

Watch the swirls of milk go round

Watch the squirrels in the playground

 

It's a double bubble day

Even a car alarm sounds good to me today

It's a double bubble day

Everything is going my way

 

I spin myself around

and fall on the concrete

A little ant walks by

He helps me to my feet

 

Alligator from the sewer

pops her head out

and says politely,

"Please come down

and have some tea.

I've got free cable tv."

 

And it turns out

she likes baseball

So we go up 

to the Stadium

Sit among the spectators

Special section for gators

  

It's a double bubble day

from the loudspeakers

I hear the Monkees play

It's a double bubble day

Everything is going my way.

 

All lyrics by Kenny Young